The Queen Bee and Her Court

Is this merely a coincidence or just my hammer banging incessantly on everything in sight after I read Queen Bees and Wannabes?  Because I am really worried what will happen when I start the Hunger Games Trilogy…

Oh, how the mighty fall.  It began with an uprising during recess and ended with a phone call from my daughter’s wonderful first-grade teacher.  It had been a rough week on the playground for my little Queen…as my daughter was anointed when the friendly game of “Princess”  began a week before.  Of course she was on top of the world in the starring role, using her “power” to cleverly smuggle her Cinderella dress to school to wear for the occasion (see my April 1, 2014, post “The Brandishing of Butt Bows…”).  Well, a few days later, with all the fancy dresses in the laundry (smudged with dried mud, lunch and oil pastels), my daughter was relegated to wearing “commoner” clothing for school, mere rags in her mind.  And apparently this thought crossed the minds of her “royal court” as well because, as my daughter told me later, her friends requested she play the role of “servant” in their imaginative royal saga.

And as you can imagine, that suggestion did not sit well with my little Princess Recess.  And she let the whole playground know it with a blood-curdling scream aimed at her friends.

Thus the phone call from her teacher.

Now I don’t know if she truly let loose her inner velociraptor.  But I know my daughter’s vocal abilities , and it is safe to assume she used the same voice with her friends that she uses with her brothers when they leave the toilet seat up.  Not. Very. Queen-y.  Certainly not demure.  But definitely most worthy of attention from her teacher, prompting a reminder to be respectful of others and take turns, despite being frustrated.

As my daughter’s teacher relayed this incident and how it was resolved, she made mention of another interesting event from the week at school.  Her teacher does a “check” each morning with her students, asking them to give a “thumbs up” or a “thumbs down” to indicate how they are feeling.  She said my daughter had given a “thumbs down” a few days before.  It being out-of-character, she asked what was up.  My little clothes horse responded that she was sad she had to wear regular clothes to school because all her dresses were dirty.  (Just a hunch, but I think that meant:  “I can’t play the princess game at recess because I am not dressed up.”)

Oh, my.

Was this why she was relegated to playing “servant?”  Perhaps.  Even at a first-grade level, appearance seems to dictate a child’s part in a game.  One could make the argument that, as the little girls agreed to wear fancy dresses (Remember how my daughter and her friends dressed up precisely so they could play “Princess”?), and my daughter was not dressed according to the rules, she couldn’t play a member of royalty.  Makes sense.  After all, she was still included, if not in the way she expected and/or wanted.  But what if her play-clothed appearance kicked her out of the game entirely?    I have heard from parents of older girls that the divisiveness starts at a younger age.  Here I was happy my daughter and her friends still enjoy dolls and Disney Princesses but I see they are finding their way into the clique behavior (Queen, Princess and Servant) that I, anyway, thought was reserved for middle school and older.  But there is one important difference between these younger girls and their adolescent counterparts:  memory.  Because, the day after my daughter’s meltdown, the members of Team Princess were reunited as if nothing had happened, playing happily together on the playground and my daughter and her friends planning where and when the next after school playdate would be.

I take this as my cue to reinforce forgiveness as an important value.  And while it is healthy to voice concerns and displeasure (some may call that honesty), there is a good way to do so (not by channeling our inner velociraptors, but rather be calm and direct).  If I have learned anything from reading Queen Bees and Wannabes it is this:  it’s never too early to teach our values and basic good communication skills to our girls… and our boys as well.  I hope the sooner we start, the more success we will have at helping them navigate the tougher, adolescent years.

My daughter’s rendition of her proud position as Queen. Her friends are her Court.