From the Desk of…an Eight-Year-Old

Children are astute observers and acutely grounded in reality.  And when they take their perspectives to paper, the results can be hilarious, especially when combined with a glaring absence of auto correct. Or a filter.  They are kids after all…honest and real and curious. So, for example, asking a veteran, “Did you like fighting in the war?” doesn’t seem out-of-line.  (Yes, a second grader wrote this in a letter to my father-in-law this past Veterans’ Day…).

That said, my daughter loves to write.  Recently I found some notes on her desk that would push the envelope if written by an adult but fit her eight-year-old level of development.  They are funny, scary and embarrassing, all at the same time.  Here they are:

1)  In order to fix this one I may have to don my Glinda the Good Witch costume for the next Tooth Fairy visit:

Translation:  “Dear tooth fairy,  ‘A’ lost his first molar!  He thinks you are fake.  He thinks that you are Daddy.  Love, ”

2)  Someone anonymously posted a note in our mailroom threatening residents with the authorities if their dogs bark a lot.  Below is my daughter’s ire in writing:

Translation:  “Dear Sheriff, you can not take my dog.  You are drunk so I will kill you for your insolence.  If you dare do that to Dakota he will bite you.  Your friend, ‘D’ ”

For the record:

~Our dog no longer barks for long periods of time, he is now happily adjusted to our home.

~And no, our dog does not bite.

~The local sheriff does NOT have a drinking problem.  I can’t express the importance of this statement enough. And I don’t think my daughter understands what exactly “drunk” means.  We have had a talk.

~I am not happy my daughter wrote such a disturbing letter ending with “Your friend.” Talk about hell-hath-no-fury.

~I am happy she knows the SAT-level word “insolence.”

Oh, from the “mouths” of babes….