Don’t Let Pie Be a Pie-in-the-Sky Pipe Dream

(Hey, friends! If you are like me and despise those tediously long narratives that introduce the recipes on the internet, I did my best to keep this intro short and sweet. But if you are strapped for time just scroll to the recipe below. I won’t feel hurt if you do, I promise…)

I can’t wait for March 14, 2028. Not because I’ll be nearly a decade older, but because it will be a memorable Pi Day. This date, 3-14-28, is the universal constant pi out to four decimal places: 3.1428. Yes, I was nerdy enough to go divide 22 by 7 on my calculator to see what happened. The only thing nerdier would have been to do the division by hand.

But pie, the only acceptable meal to have on Pi Day…who doesn’t love it? It can be fruity, chocolate-y, sweet or tart, filled with peanut butter or even with meat. It pairs well with ice cream or a heavenly homemade vanilla whipped cream. Seriously, if you don’t love some sort of pie, you should be banished to a universe where pie, whoops, pi is 3.24 instead of 3.14.

I adore acid-tongued Miranda from Sex and the City. But I squirm uncomfortably at her tirade against women making homemade pie when her housekeeper suggests she do so. The idea challenged her liberated woman ideals and for god sake, she could just go to her local bakery and buy pie.

But buy pie? Sure, if you are in a pinch and also because the French Silk version from Village Inn is pretty darn tasty. But oh my gosh, the homemade stuff is so wickedly awesome and makes the house smell like, well, home. If for any reason but that, make your own pie.

It’s not as intimidating as it sounds, with a couple of the right ingredients and the technique tips to follow. My aunt makes ah-mazing pie crust. Until I followed her advice, my crust was so-so at best, punctuated with an occasional serendipitous success. Now, my pies are company-worthy, and don’t take forever to master:

Pastry for a Double-Crust Pie

(recipe from Better Homes and Gardens. Complete Step-by-Step Cookbook. Des Moines, Iowa: Meredith Corporation, 1978. Print.)

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

2/3 cup solid vegetable shortening (my aunt swears by Crisco, and you should, too,…it makes a flaky, delectable crust)

Several tablespoons of ice-cold water

milk and sugar

1. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour and salt.
2. Cut in the solid vegetable shortening with a pastry blender or a butter knife, until the pieces of shortening are the size of peas. (Mixing by hand will make for a sticky dough that is difficult to roll out and, when baked, will lack that to-die-for flakiness.)
3. Sprinkle cold water one tablespoon at a time over the dry dough mixture. Toss dough and water together gently and then push to the side of the bowl. Repeat this process until all the dough is moistened and is stiff and holds together. The dough should not be crumbly when handled, or too soft and pasty.* If the dough is crumbly, add more water a tablespoon at a time; if it is pasty, add flour a tablespoon at a time.
4. Divide dough into two equal-sized balls.
5. On a lightly-floured surface, roll one ball with a rolling pin into a circle about 12 inches in diameter and 1/8 of an inch thick. Use steady strokes from the center of the dough to the outer edge, rolling in all directions. Reshape edges as needed into a circle while you roll out the dough.
6. Roll the prepared dough over your rolling pin to assist with the transfer to the pie plate. Gently lay the dough over the plate and press carefully into the plate without stretching the dough. If the dough tears, repair it by moistening fingers with the cold water and pressing the torn dough together.
7. Once dough is placed in place, trim overhanging edges even with the edge of the plate.
8. Place filling in the pie plate.
9. For the top crust, repeat steps 5 and 6 above.
10. Trim the top crust to 1/2 inch beyond the edge of the pie plate and tuck the extra under the bottom crust.
11. Press the edges of the crust with the tines of a fork to create an edge design. Alternatively, “flute” the edges. For a visual on fluting, click here.
12. Cut two slits about two inches long each in the top crust to allow steam to escape the pie while it is baking.
13. Brush top crust with milk and then sprinkle with sugar.
14. Cover edges of crust with aluminum foil for about the first half of baking to prevent over-browning of the edges.
15. Bake pie according to recipe directions.
16. Enjoy!!!!!

*I used to be so afraid I’d make mealy, not-at-all flaky crust I’d skimp on the cold water. My dear aunt will tell you, use more water. That dough must hold together and have some pliability to it or you’ll never get it rolled out. So add more cold water if your dough crumbles under the rolling pin.