Let That Sh–t Go: Finding Time and Happiness

“…But that’s when we’re happiest, and that’s when we’re at our best. When we have time to do those…things that we like to do.”

~Megan Mullally, in her book with husband Nick Offerman, The Greatest Love Story Ever Told.

Before I get into it, I’m gonna give a shout-out to my husband. He did a TED talk on rethinking happiness: instead of basing happiness on attaining success, my husband lays out the path to happiness by living our values. In short, do what you love and the rest will follow…whether what you love is a new job or if doing what you love makes you better at your vocation. My husband says it much better than I. So here’s where I unabashedly plug his TED talk:

“Go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZ1ixCh8vYk&t=18s to view his talk. Click ‘like’ and share it with your family and friends.” Really. I encourage you to take a look. It’s only 12 minutes.

Now I’m going to be the yin to my husband’s yang. In his talk he describes how to add your values to a well-lived, happy life. But I’m going to spend just a short amount of your time on what I subtracted from my life that felt like an Acme anvil lifted from my shoulders and made me much happier and productive.

In short, I’ve started to let that sh–t go.

Firstly, I took a virtual power-wash to my social media habits which, as a solid member of Gen X, means Facebook. All controversy regarding FB aside, I’m not knocking Facebook as a tool to connect and reconnect. But I kept getting drawn to the worst of FB: the frenemies and the political nastiness that some people embody and feel the need to vomit all over the rest of us.

It wasn’t healthy.

I’ve always been turned off by those who proudly announce on Facebook that they are going to (or already have) purged their friends list. But that said, I will admit that one of the first things I did in order to reclaim myself was to unfriend the non-friends I collected on Facebook. People, who at one point had the potential to be at least friendly acquaintances, but who over time I discovered weren’t ever going to become even that. And some who, unfortunately, aren’t very nice people.

It’s important to surround oneself with people you feel good about and respect and who make you feel good. Not people who want you to be one of those caught in their widely-cast net of associations. So I did a virtual cleanse of sorts.

Then it was time to find some will power: avoid the nasty name-calling and ugly political rhetoric. For several weeks I was in a sickening self-flagellating cycle. Like a moth to the light, I would seek out the rabid, fanatic posts and threads to fuel my frustrations. And sicken myself with the anger and anxiety I felt from it.

What the actual heck???

What a terrible waste of time and energy. I knew it. I had to extricate myself from the cesspool of ugly coming from people had a shared history with, they weren’t exactly in the “nonfriend” category of FB friends.

So I did two things. I unfollowed but didn’t “unfriend,” so now I won’t see the astonishingly nasty threads that this individual weaves. And with others, and this is where the will power needed to engage, I’ve managed to scroll by the toxic, angry posts. But when they share about regular life and vacations and our shared love of labradors I click “love” and “like.”

In the non-FaceBook realm I then unsubscribed from our neighborhood social media site, all the notifications but the emergency ones. The vehicle that was supposed to connect our ever-growing community has become a bastion for bad behavior and who needs the contrived drama from emails starting with an all-caps scream fest? No one. Not the way to start a day or end one on a positive note.

The other thing I’ve done in the name of letting sh–t go? I’ve reduced my consumption of news and late-night talk show interpretation of such. Not that I don’t keep tabs on the coronavirus and other impactful topics, but too much news is a real downer. Finding the balance between being uninformed and too immersed is a challenge, but it’s a work in progress I’m happy to indulge in for the sake of a health mental state.

I’ve been on Duolingo for 137 days straight, learning Spanish. Occasionally the cute little green owl, Duo, busts a move on my screen and asks

15 minutes of Duolingo a day can help you learn a language, What can 15 minutes of social media do?

I have to credit this tenacious little raptor with at least a little of my decision to let sh–t go. Once I purged my social media and news consumption habits, not only do I feel, well, happier and calmer, I feel more focused and productive as well. Duolingo has been one of those much more productive replacements to the temporary “hits” I was getting from social media. When I do hop on, I seek out the FB friends who put up thoughtful, fun and/or nourishing content, where I learn, connect and enjoy.

I read more, and I write more. I connect with better with my family, immediate and extended. Removing the unnecessary noise and toxicity and focusing on my values (thank you, hubby, for your deep thoughts and powerful oratory) has helped me see more clearly what I want my purpose to be and just “be better.”

Think about what the sh–t in your life is and let it go. Release what doesn’t serve you so you can more clearly forge a path that does.

“…the real thieves are the distractions and our willingness to give in to them, to allow our thoughts and energy to fuel their journey toward some lesser thing. In the end, they are what will steal our moments and rob our days. But time—the here and now—is our most precious gift.”

~Joanna Gaines (who never says “sh–t” in her essays…), in “a note from jo: it’s about time”, published in Magnolia Journal, winter 2019.